Have you ever had the feeling that you didn’t belong in a room to which you had been invited? Do you ever wonder what you are doing at influential tables, why you were hired, why so many people look to you? I don’t know about you, but I struggle with imposter syndrome.
What is Imposter Syndrome Anyway?
What is imposter syndrome anyway? Landi-Jackson James, the latest guest on my podcast, defines it as the thought that I am undeserving of the place where I am right now or showing up differently than you actually are at your core to fit into a space. Sometimes it is momentary and sometimes we live with it on a consistent basis. Imposter syndrome is so common. You are not the only one that wonders about your enoughness.
A Crippling Fear
At different times in our lives, any of us can be daunted by the sinking feeling that we are not who people think we are, we can’t do the things they’ve hired us for or entrusted to our care. I have experienced imposter syndrome as a therapist, a daughter, a pastor, a teacher, a mom, a girlfriend/wife, and a baby sister. I have experienced the crippling fear that any minute now people will figure out that they are wrong about me, that the thing they saw as valuable is actually a lie.
Landi shares that often people can see things in you that you can’t see in yourself. They see your excellence, your heart, your creativity. Others see the caliber of person that you are, but you see all of you. You get the benefit of the full scope of who you are; the mistakes, the heartaches, the poor judgment moments, the missteps, the confusion.
Why Can’t I See Me Positively?
One might think that would give you a more balanced view of who you are, but for some reason, you lean toward the negative. There are moments when you fail, but those moments can actually contribute to future success, depending on the way you internalize the experience. Instead, you stockpile evidence that speaks toward your inability when there is evidence of both and.
How Does Culture Impact How You Experience Imposter Syndrome?
Landi talked about the idea that as Black women, we walk through doors of opportunity feeling like we are carrying the entire black and brown community on our shoulders. If I don’t do well, will they think black women are not capable of doing this job well? If I am late, will it solidify stereotypes about black and brown people? Will others that look like me have an opportunity if I ruin this one? That becomes an added level of pressure, that if not for the black people who have come before us and manifested excellence in every arena, it would almost seem to be an impossible task.
Don’t Contort to Fit
I love what Landi says. She reminds us that we can’t make our moves based on what we think other people are thinking. That’s really good because the truth is that we can’t know what people are thinking. The other reason it is good is that when we allow people or external things to define us that could actually create imposter syndrome. I might begin to show up differently to suit other people’s expectation and that could cause me to overlook my own values and beliefs and make decisions that are not authentic to who I am, resulting in me feeling alien to myself.
So How Do You Shake the Fear?
How do you fight imposter syndrome? Positive self-talk. Reminding yourself of the balanced view of you. We harbor the negative things, but positive self-talk reminds us that there are many positive things about us. In the moments when we are being bombarded by negative thoughts that are manifesting as a result of perfectionism, fear of failure, etc., we get to talk back to them and offer ourselves a balanced view of ourselves.
If you look to a higher power, another tool at your disposal is to look to your higher power for who you are and what your purpose is. I personally look to God whenever I feel like I am doing something I feel ill-equipped or just not enough for. I remind myself that whatever God calls me to, he has already placed everything in me I will need to do my part. Whatever has not been deposited is his part to play, and I can trust him to show up faithfully.
More Resources
A really good note here, is that if you have experienced trauma at the hands of a parent or someone that you believed you could trust, you may have internalized negative things that others have said about you. Get into a therapy room with someone who is objective, can hold non-judgmental space for you, and help you sort out what was put on you through negative or abusive interactions so that you can determine the impact of trauma on your ability to believe what is actually true about you.
If you need to explore what your most authentic self looks like, manage anxiety or imposter syndrome, heal from traumatic experiences, or you need to learn to love and radically embrace yourself, these are my specialties and greatest pleasures. I facilitate this through therapy as well as through a group coaching experience. Contact me here to learn which might be the best fit for you.
You can catch the whole podcast episode here. Happy listening!
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